The Sound of Growing Up

In defense of princess movies

Eva — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 19:50:20 +0000

I keep trying to weigh in eloquently on the conversation about why there can’t be ‘a movie about a girl who’s not a princess’ but frankly, I just keep circling back to this point – I like movies about princesses. I watched movies about princesses, read books about princesses, daydreamed about being a princess, and played with Barbies. (Of course, I also loved Batman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was my absolute favorite cartoon ever and I thought April O’Neal was lame.) And I think I’m a pretty well adjusted, realistic, confident woman. I feel like it’s very en vogue to be a tomboy and proclaim that you eschewed dolls and princesses for Tonka trucks and mud, which is fine, whatever. I spent lots of summers playing with trucks in my sandbox, building tunnels and trenches, and I used to get mad at my cousin because he would never let me be Wolverine when we played X-Men. And yet, I feel like sometimes I’m supposed to feel ashamed because I like playing with makeup and wearing dresses and being ‘girly.’ Like somehow, just because I like wearing high heels and the color pink, I’m supporting the patriarchy in the oppression of women. But really, I’ve never felt like I couldn’t be both – a princess and a tomboy, play with Barbie and G.I. Joe, an X-Men fan and My Little Pony addict. Maybe I’m just lucky – I’m never been told I couldn’t do something because I was a girl and always had family who believed in me and anything I could do.

I also think adults place way more emphasis on these gender issues than children themselves. It never occurred to me that all the Ghostbusters were guys, or the TMNT were male, so therefore I could never be a Ghostbuster or TMNT. I didn’t feel like I couldn’t play with Matchbox cars, or action figures, or soccer balls. I never felt a lack of movies about ‘girls like me’, though like I said, I enjoy princess movies, but there were more than enough books featuring regular girls being awesome. And honestly, I think people easily dismiss the ‘princess movies’ because these days the word princess conjures up images of Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Heidi Montag – spoiled, self absorbed, over-exposed (in more ways than one) girls who don’t live in the real world. But part of the point of princess movies is that the characters, whether they started as princesses or ended up as one, weren’t content with the lives they were born into and tried to change them. They rebelled and defied expectations. Ariel left her entire family, world, and culture behind; Jasmine instituted a cultural and political change; Belle refused to do what was expected of her, even though it made her odd and eccentric; Anastasia defeated an evil sorcerer and renounced her crown; and Mulan saved her entire freakin’ country.

I guess my point is that I totally support more female main characters, but stop making me feel like I need to turn in my feminist card because I wanted to be a princess when I grew up, dammit!

Why I need a vacation

Eva — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:31:00 +0000

This has been seriously bothering me all day. I’ve been researching different forms of birth control and the most common question I’ve seen? "I’ve been on birth control for almost a year now and take it as instructed. My bf and I just had unprotected sex – could I be pregnant? I went out and got emergency contraception anyway." (Although usually with less correct grammar and spelling) And I just- I can’t- I mean, I’m sorry, but what part of the term ‘birth control’ confuses you? I know lots of people take it for a myriad of reasons, but come on! How can you not know the basic function of a drug you’re ingesting every day?

I really worry about people sometimes.

***

Yesterday was rather hellacious. I’ve been feeling kind of weird and not right since Sunday. I assumed, it being Sunday, that it was the consequences of my weekend indulgences. By Monday night, I felt like there was something stuck in my chest and when I woke up Wednesday morning, I felt like someone was sitting on chest and my back hurt so bad I couldn’t stand up straight. I went to the doctor that afternoon and after lots of nervousness and scary theories like ‘pulmonary embolism’ (in which case, I’m pretty sure I’d be dead already) and a CT scan disproving said theory, it was determined I had heartburn. I feel like an idiot. But I’ve never had heartburn before! And I thought it generally meant you had some mild discomfort after eating – not that it hurt like hell for 4 days until you thought you were seriously ill! I also don’t do/eat most of the things that cause heartburn, according to the handy liitle pamphlet I was given. I have been drinking a lot of citrus green tea lately, which has lots of citric acid and caffiene, so I’m guessing that’s the culprit, even though I drink Diet Coke with Lime like they’re going to stop making it and have never had any issues. But I have been really super stressed lately, so maybe that has something to do with it. I’m pretty sure I can blame almost anything that goes wrong on stress.

Anyway, I took the super strength heartburn medicine (Nexium) I was given and today I feel totally normal, so fine, medical profession, you win! This time you knew what you were talking about. I still don’t trust you.

Of course, because this wasn’t panic-inducing enough, on my way to the doctor’s, my Jeep battery decided not to charge or something. The fun ‘check gages’ light came on while I was hurtling down 695 and lo, my battery power was below acceptable levels. Thankfully, I made it to my doc’s and then it started right up, no trouble when I left and has been fine since, so obviously the world just felt the need to fuck with me further.

And because all this drama was going on, I missed going to the O’s game and watching them beat the Yankees, again. So yeah, yesterday just sucked all around.

‘Mow the lawn?’ Seriously?

Eva — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:51:00 +0000

This is a totally hilarious joke…parody…satire…commentary on standards of female beauty.

Right?

(Don’t tell me this is for serious, please.)

Twitterings

Eva — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:30:00 +0000

This is the TEST shipment you asked for

16:46 why am I still here? Ugh. Time to drive home in rush hour traffic, yay! #
14:59 time for a meeting full of people I mostly can’t stand. yay! :/ #
12:58 I may have just ordered myself a red swingline stapler… #
12:05 oooh hot salesman in the office! #
10:38 have been on phone non-stop since I walked in… How am I supposed to get actual work done? #
08:18 ugh. DST. HATE #
17:43 Me too, but I gotta love the book the brought us Remus and Sirius. #
17:30 Man, POA is still my favorite HP book. #
16:49 How adorable is the trailer for UP? tinyurl.com/ahzr2o #
16:46 they’re making a resident evil 5? Whyyyy? #
17:03 The only problem with red hair is now I can’t wear the pink shirt I’d planned on tonight… #
02:29 Juuuust tipsy enough to be fucking ravenous. Ugh, going to bed before I decide to start cooking. #
21:19 @whiskeyonsunday awesome! not surprised – that kid is almost too gay to function. #
21:15 i am this close to changing into sweats and going to the gym instead of the bar. #
20:58 @whiskeyonsunday awesome! not surprised – that kid is almost too gay to function. #
14:47 So freaking gorgeous out! I love it! #
16:45 yay! no horror stories this time! #
13:42 busy afternoon ahead: gym, give blood, manicure, eyebrow wax, and then HH at magerk’s. whew! #
10:40 4400 emails reside in my work inbox… Hello mass delete! #
23:17 I just added S1 of ‘The Real Adventures of Johnny Quest’ to my netflix queue. Awww yeah! #

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Eva — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:09:00 +0000

It didn’t really fit the mood of the previous post, but this is pretty much how I spent yesterday:

(and a lot of days here at work, really.)

In less angst ridden news, my HVAC tech bought me pizza for lunch, my carpenter told me not to bring lunch tomorrow because he wants me to check out his friend’s cafe down the street, and our carpenter’s helper is taking me out for drinks sometime soon because of his inconsiderate invoicing ways. I feel all appreciated. And maybe a bit spoiled.

I forgot my iPod. It’s too quiet in here today.

Eva — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:42:00 +0000

Wow, I feel like I’ve been pretty MIA lately. It’s been a while since I’ve gone so long without posting. (Partly because I’ve had little of substance to say and so I’ve been Twittering instead.) I finally, finally got my Jeep back on Friday night. Drove around for a little while, just because I could. Spent the weekend barhopping in Fells Point on Friday and engaging in the usual antics at Magerk’s on Saturday. Spent Sunday recovering and determining that I am sorely out of practice for these shenanigans (Was it really just last summer that I went out every single night?) and that drinking mind erasers definitely belongs on my Murtaugh list. (Stuff I’m too old for, for you non-HIMYM watchers.) I also did a bit of shopping this weekend. Bought the BCBG orange heels I’ve been coveting since January, (and just in time as they were the last pair!) and fruitlessly searched for new clothing. Everything is just so boring! I guess retailers are figuring most people are only going to buy basic items until the economy stops sucking.
****

I also haven’t been posting much because I’ve been in kind of a funk. Same reasons as usual: I want a new job, new car, my own place. I’m just in such a routine, and for a while that was comforting, but now it’s bugging the hell out of me. I feel restless and bored and lazy and… I don’t want to say depressed, because that sounds so clinical and extreme and ‘woe is me, give me attention and pity’ and like I spend my days all sad, crying in a darkened room, which isn’t at all the case. I’m mostly happy and bouncy and fun, fun, fun, except for when I stop to think about where I am and where I’m going. Maybe unmotivated is better. I want things to change and obviously I have to make them change, I’m just not really sure how.

I’m saving for the new car and improving my credit score, so that’s working it’s way toward changing, albeit slowly. I’m also considering buying a home, instead of renting, which is probably a smarter move, except that means I’ll fail to reach my goal of moving out by the time I’m 25. And I know lots of people are still living at home, especially right now, but it makes me feel like such a loser. (Although I recognize that part of this is my fault because I refuse to settle/compromise. I really want to stay in Bel Air, which is more expensive than Towson or Cockeysville or some parts of the city. I refuse to live in a grungy apartment or to move in with strangers, so all of my options are rather limited and expensive.)

The main bummer is the job. Of course, it’s the worst time to be looking for something new and negotiate for salary, and the most annoying part is that I’m not even sure what I want to do. I do more than simple admin assisstant stuff currently, but I’m not a department manager, so I fall into this fairly nebulous region. I always seem to be grossly underqualified for the jobs I’d like and way too good for the jobs whose requirements I fulfill. There’s the going back to school option, but I’m not entirely sure what I’d go back for. A second degree? My master’s? (Which would not be for English, so then what?) The tuition assistance/reimbursement here sucks, almost so much as to be non-existent, and I’m not really willing to take on more student loans right now, so… I feel stuck and trapped, which I think is really the worst part of all. I do not like feeling helpless, or impotent, or wrong, and I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately.

I need to go to the gym and sweat out all this angst.

Eva — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 14:14:00 +0000

And lo, apparently my boss listened when I told him I was spending too much unproductive time in meetings and so, I am off the hook for today’s meetings. This is fantastic!

Although I have a feeling I might spend a good amount of time researching apartment rentals. Things are getting pretty dire – I’m now starting to consider male roommates and locations other than Bel Air.

ETA: And I just found out that those bi-weekly meetings have now been reduced to once a month! Finally!

Eva — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:39:00 +0000

So on Monday, I posted a link to a short little blurb about a man beaten to death at a bar in Catonsville that is, no lie, a minute walk from my office. Here is the full story from the Baltimore Sun. No surprise, but most of my contractors know (or know of) all the people involved.

Today is pretty much going to be a useless day. I have meeting out at Westminster in an hour. It’s all about security and key control, so it’s going to be a rather tense and unhappy event. And now that my boss is back, we have a status meeting with his boss this afternoon. Thank god this week is almost over.

Eva — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:57:00 +0000

So, back to our regularly scheduled posting.

My boss came back on Monday and apparently spent some of his immense time off writing job descriptions and doing performance evaluations. You’ll be pleased to know that I ‘routinely exceed standards’ and ‘maintains a pleasant attitude in a sometimes difficult work environment.’ Now if I can somehow turn those words into cash, it would be incredible.

Still haven’t heard from my mechanic and the place closes in an hour. I am shocked.

This is why I’m in favor of a socialised healthcare system.

Eva — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:21:00 +0000

Back in December, I had to request new insurance cards from Carefirst because they had spelled my last name wrong. Actually, first I had to submit a request through HR at work who sent it through our healthcare rep, and then I had to request new cards. New cards came, except they listed my PCP as ‘not chosen’ which essentially meant that any doctor visit was ‘out of network.’ So after a frustrating hour of searching their website, where they insisted I could change it online (actually, you can’t) I finally called customer service, gave them my doctor’s name and requested new cards. New cards came today. With the wrong doctor’s name. So now I need to order a fourth set of replacement cards. And in between this overlap in choosing my PCP and getting the new cards, I’ve been to the doctor and I have this funny feeling I’ll end up responsible for most of those costs instead of just my copay. Fantastic.

And my Jeep still isn’t repaired. Apparently the parts just came in today. And it should be ready tomorrow evening. Yeah. Sure.

And my mom seems to be mad at me. I can’t tell if I’m being paranoid or she’s just being moody, but there seems to be some sort of tension in the air, but I have no idea why.

Today has really just sucked beyond the telling of it. I’m think I’m going to nap. And then I’m going to wake up and go to bed and hope this day is over.